Page 26 - NAMAH-Jul-2019

Namah Vol. 27, Issue 2, 15th July 2019

Gradually however, the expectations of the of the pulls of my tendencies, of jealousy, of
family began to weigh heavy on me. They possessiveness regarding my child, of my
were nice and kind people who nevertheless own judgmental attitude! I could see all that
had worldly expectations for me — like in me, I did not know what to do with them,
dressing like a newly-wed and soon to be so I endured.
bearing a child so that they could enjoy
grandchildren. All that was okay for them, Beginning of pink urine
but this was not for me. I had a different
vision for myself and this life. But maybe my In 2014 when pregnant with our second child,
vision needed strength and further clarity, and Anand, I started having intermittent episodes
more importantly, I believe my life needed of a pink tissue through my urethra and then
the Psychic to be brought to the front. the urine becoming pink in colour. This pink
urine was painless and it cleared on its own
As I look back on my life after marriage, I see after a couple of urinations. In the beginning
that gradually I had dipped further down in I thought there was a urinary tract infection.
consciousness. I was allowing myself to get I got the diagnosis done but it was not that. I
engaged in things that I would not like to left it on hold for another episode to happen,
do or go to such places to which my heart and another, and yet another. These episodes
could not connect. I saw that I had started would first happen, say at a gap of about 3
suppressing the call of my Psychic in order months, and slowly they increased in their
to be approved or accepted in the eyes of appearance.
others, while I always waited for the final
and the ultimate approval of my being, my I delivered Anand towards the end of August
Psychic was in oblivion. As I succumbed to 2014. Then after about 6 months the frequency
the pressures of the family, only because became so high that there was no option
of a lost connection with my inmost being, left to me but to see a doctor. I consulted a
I saw that life had become monotonous, sonologist and as she scanned the bladder,
rather than the adventure it had used to be, her face appeared anxious and unhappy,
full of exploration. In retrospect, I can say unlike how it had appeared all the while
with certitude that all this was happening during the two pregnancies. Her face during
to prepare me for union with the Psychic, the scan confirmed my worst fears, that all I
my true Guide, without which my life was had read on the Internet might come true. She
empty and meaningless. suggested I meet a urologist immediately, as
it could be cancer of the bladder.
Lokesh and I decided to have a child and I
gave birth to Chinmay in the month of January Beginning of a new life
2013, about three years into my marriage. My
relations with my partner were always good, The urologist confirmed this. Something in
we loved each other from our deepest silences, me did not move, as if it already knew what
and I could envision him well around the kids. it was and also knew how to take care of it.
As we enjoyed the newborn child at home, I was guided to begin intense inner work,
I started to become aware of my shadows, to work on my emotions, on my suppressed

26