Page 31 - NAMAH-Jan-2020

Namah Cancer: a cheap bargain

I called Hitesh and requested a meeting from encounter with my own impermanence.
him. The first day I went to meet him, I took When I was in the hospital for my first
along Anand while Lokesh, my husband surgery, I realised that I had always thought
drove us there. After breastfeeding Anand, I was the one running all the kids’ related
I went to meet him while Lokesh and Anand stuff at home. It dawned upon me that
waited in the car. I told Hitesh that I had heard they were perhaps now doing even better
and read and believed that emotions were without me around! Things would go on,
responsible in major part for the formation of and life would run smoothly, even if I
illnesses, and I would like his help in sorting was not there. I was totally dispensable.
out this mountain that was in front of me. And hence, I could drop the demands
His eyes conveyed a surety that it could be and expectations regarding people and
done. He assured me that he could see that situations to be in a certain way. But here
I can do this! And we decided to meet once existed a paradox. I could also see how
a week for sessions with him, where each precious this human life was, at the same
time Lokesh and Anand would accompany time. I came face to face with the wonders
me and stay in the car, while I took a 2-hour of existence, of my own presence and of the
session with Hitesh. presence of each and every unique being
around me. Everything appeared equal,
It was through those sessions that I really yet unique and special; and hence a great
got intimately n touch with my inner being. responsibility on each one of us to nurture
It would not be an exaggeration to say that our own inner life at least.
that was the first time that I ever got to know
of my inner being at all! Before that it was The fear of death went away by itself, as I
a blind life, mostly lived from just the outer realised that the ‘True Me’ can never die.
surface in pursuit of temporary pleasures. I Then what should I be afraid of? I will spend
realised that my vital had played havoc on my time in service of the Truth, and then
my body as the Psychic presence was not out whatever happens will be for the Truth to
in front, not in the Driver’s seat! Thoughts and deal with. Not me. The burden of my own
stories about everyone, about situations and life/death was dropped by itself.
about myself, went round and round in my
head in the absence of awareness and inner Fear of the dark went away automatically,
anchoring. And in one of these sessions with as a by-product of this new-found feeling of
my mentor, I happened to have a visceral oneness with the Universe.
experience of a power, a knowing, a light,
more than the trivial ‘me’,and which must be I realised that the life I had been living until
the only guiding-force for the rest of my life. now was a dead life. And I started to cherish
I was sure that life had taken an irreversible each day, step by step and not as if in a hurry
turn into a new dimension. to reach somewhere. If there had to be Joy in
this life, it must be NOW or it will be never.
Intimacy with death And that Joy was something I had access to,
even in these seemingly dire circumstances,
One of the best things that happened was a close owing to the free-will that we all possess.

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