Page 41 - NAMAH-Apr-2020

Namah Think it over

Light of childhood for some time and disappeared. I had just felt
happy back then, but only now do I realise
Yoga and spirituality are big words for me to that my search for real happiness lay in the
use now because the journey of self-discovery past struggles in order to find peace within
that had begun years back is only beginning to myself and become aware of the final true
bloom consciously now. That is, I am beginning aim of life. So in a way those hurtful days
to understand myself at a whole new level, were only a preparation to something more
where these big words are taking some shape beautiful in life, something that I believe only
into experience. But to truly experience these, a few lucky souls are blessed with. Maybe I
I believe it is best to make them a part of my wasn’t aware at that age, but perhaps my
life. So I have just taken the first step into it. I soul had always aspired for the Mother and
don’t know how it all began, maybe somehow which had led me to Pondicherry as a child,
I was destined for it. Back in Kolkata, we to be at Her lap, for from then on I became the
had a small puja room at home where a big child of a a universal, more complete Mother.
photo of the Mother and Sri Aurobindo
was kept. I remember as a six-year-old that But it is always a fault of the human mind
time, I used to stare at the Mother’s photo to pine for what is missing; even now when
whenever my parents weren’t around. I don’t my heart cries for a mother’s love, I gently try
know why I did it or what understanding to show myself the negative effects of being
I got of it but I used to just try to imagine bound into a toxic relationship and also how
how their lives were or think how this place, lucky I am to be free from the humanly selfish
Pondicherry, of which my grandma often attachment and how often parents who are
recounted stories, would be like. Back then, it bound to their children find it a herculean
was all like a world of fantasy to me because task to let them go or vice versa.
I had no knowledge about the Mother or of
Pondicherry. I wonder if I even believed in Of Human love and distortions
God, all I observed was that they would be
worshipped twice a day and that their photos Love carries within itself a deeper and more
were dominantly bigger than the other idols meaningful significance, which we humans
or photos that occupied the puja room. So I often distort. It is a seed that exists in all and
was quite naturally drawn by it. which needs to grow after a lot of nurture and
care. But unfortunately, that doesn’t always
Another instance I remember very clearly and happen. We remain sealed in our nature and
which happened that same year is that once most are not even aware of it. When love flows
I dreamt of the Mother. It is a dream that I’ll we condition it with expectations, desire,
never forget in my lifetime. Over these years, ego and every other negativity possible. It is
it has remained with me so vividly. It was a human nature to be attached to loved ones,
short and concrete vision. I saw the Mother often seen in a family,with mother and child
standing before me in a beautiful sari with relationships, among siblings, grandparents
a smiling face. The Mother’s photo that is and grandchildren and others. However,
in the Ashram’s meditation room now, that with attachment comes expectations which
exact face was in my dream. She stood there the other person might not be able to fulfil

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