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Namah Vol. 26, Issue 2, 15th July 2018

We can put down dates and numbers. For occur here. Your old perspective may have
example, “By Christmas I want to double the changed while you were making the effort
number of times I have been encouraged”. If to look at it from another’s eyes. You present
we want to share our expectations of others, your new position and watch them patiently,
it is best to get it reviewed by a counsellor. the same way they watched you. After this
Our expectations may not be realistic, or the is done, you can work out an action-plan
recipient may not be able to cope with all together. Note that a plan is not a solution.
of them at once. Sharing a wish-list can be Many situations do not need to have a solution.
done by the counsellor who can address the A plan needs to be a workable, practical set of
emotional reactions of recipients. Parents action items that all parties can adhere to. The
and teachers may get wish-lists from children. plan can be revised at later dates, as many
Facilitators can make wish-lists for participants, times as is needed.
and vice versa. One must remember wish-lists
are to encourage. Also, they are always works There are two caveats in learning to empathise.
in progress, just as the growing individual Firstly, it must not be pity or sympathy, which
and the collective. looks down upon the recipient. Secondly,
if you find yourself getting enmeshed or
Topic 1 — empathy overwhelmed then you have to work on
yourself first. Getting enmeshed is when their
There are several methods of learning to problem starts feeling like your problem.
empathise and several steps in each. None Overwhelmed is when you feel the problem
of the steps are easy and neither can they is too big for you and is stressing you out. To
be mastered in a classroom. They need to feel compassion, you need to open your heart
be practised constantly in real life. We will and let the divine Love flow out from there to
do case studies to supplement our real life the recipient. Finally, it is not we who solve
experiences. Here is an example. Let us say problems; it is the Grace that heals.
you want to empathise with someone who
is acting against you. Topic 2 — resilience

You start by listening non-judgmentally, like Often in life we are at the receiving-end, and we
you were a third party with no vested interest. cannot change or even confront the aggressor.
Now listen again, compassionately, as though This is most common for children who have
you were this person. You can now see their no power to control their life- situations and
point of view. Through their eyes you see people around them. It could also be true of
yourself as the ‘other’ party. Now you tell people trapped in relationships with persons
them what you see, and wait till they agree who have personality defects. Sometimes
with your understanding. You may need to these defective people are trying to change,
do this repeatedly until you get it right. This but their growth-rate is slow. Meanwhile the
is because you may not be able to shed your victim keeps getting battered. Here we will
perspective the first, second or more times. learn about common personality defects. We
Now you ask them if they want to see your will learn when to retaliate and when to keep
perspective. An interesting phenomenon may silent. We will learn tricks to dodge blows

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