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Namah Vol. 26, Issue 2, 15th July 2018

much friction even when the two speak the and other personality-type models proposed
same language; but remaining silent does by psychologists. Here we can supplement
not work in all situations. Often the lack of com- our case studies with fictional and historical
munication causes more misunderstandings. characters.
There is a training called ‘Crucial Conversations’
where such problems are unravelled. We will Topic 6 — memory
learn here to distinguish between ‘your story’
and ‘my story’. When you interpret someone We collect our memories from the time we
else’s action, you create a ‘story’. But you are are in our mother’s womb. Many of them are
not sure it is the right one. Often people don’t not even our own experiences. We see a film,
doubt their version. So as the first step, we read a book, listen to someone’s experience
must doubt it. We can approach the person and we internalise them. By the time we are
and tell them ‘our story’ and ask them if this adults we have quite a pile of them in our
is correct. They can then share ‘their story’and conscious, and even more in our subconscious
if it is different from ours, or if our story is parts. The bad ones we call baggage, which
correct, they can explain their action. Again, we would be glad to lose. Brain scientists
it helps if both parties are open to discussion, have tried to find an amnesia pill in vain.
which means open to change their opinions. The brain is too smart for us. It distributes
But of course, one must learn to clap with one memories all over and even has a back-up
hand if needed. system. So, what if we removed the triggers
of the unpleasant memories? Although
Topic 5 — diversity medically it is impossible, psychologically
it is not. If we can identify the triggers and
We know there is huge diversity in humankind, replace them with other memories, then we
but this knowledge is most often theoretical. would have solved the problem.
If we ask ourselves honestly, do we allow our
family members to be different, as much as But this means reliving the memory and
say a foreigner? Even in our workplace we analysing the trigger. This can be hard. Our
expect people to conform to certain patterns, vital being relives the situation. We become
which not surprisingly are just like ours. Again, the victim again, with all its vulnerabilities.
this is because our ego feels threatened by We then talk to ourselves, explaining that
the unknown. This topic discusses cultural it felt as bad as it did, because we were too
diversity, different ethical systems, and young, or helpless, or did not have the full
social norms. It also teaches how body picture, etc. Now we have the advantage
language, choice of words, intonation, etc. of hindsight, so it should not hurt as much.
differ in different regions of the world. We We have to tell ourselves to ‘let it go’ — not
will study different personality types from the memory, but the emotion behind it. We
sociological and psychological perspectives. forgive our reactions to it. If there is a party
There are many models which divide people to forgive, we do that. If there is a party who
into different categories. Some of them we know is ignorant or sadistic, we do not
are: givers/takers/matchers, multipliers/ give them the power to torture us further.
diminishers, optimists/realists/pessimists Self-healing means formulating a mantra such

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