Page 18 - NAMAH-Jul-2018

Namah Vol. 26, Issue 2, 15th July 2018

is to admit past mistakes towards children. A other people, events, memories, artwork,
participant writes down these instances, and literature, performances, and so on. It is hard
if they feel sharing with someone would help, not to compare because we are mental beings, and
they can do so. At the end they chalk out an the mind works by classification, correlation,
action plan to deal with future occurrences. assigning relative grades. Comparing ourselves
An action plan has an action item, but also a with others is a subconscious habit, which
mitigation-plan — if that action does not gets reinforced when we are compared as
occur. For example, take a parent who wants children. Very easily we cross the healthy
to stop screaming at a clumsy child. The next limit and become competitive, jealous,
time he feels the anger rise, he controls it. If angry, afraid, conceited. With the help of
he can master his voice to not have an edge, the witness consciousness, we can catch
he can tell the child what he should do to ourselves comparing. The next step would
improve, a very practical action item. In case be to replace it with true understanding.
the outburst happens, the mitigation plan Comparing children with anyone else often
kicks in. It could be, for example, that the maims the child. There is a slim chance
parent explains his struggles to the child. “I that this will spur him on, but more often it
get angry but I don’t want to. Can you remind will discourage him and make him hate the
me next time when you see me getting angry?” person he was compared to. Siblings are often
A parent can partner with other adult family compared, with the result that they end up
members to keep each other in check. But hating each other.
taking the child into confidence works better,
especially if the child is also doing this Some people are overly critical of others,
programme. A point to note is that children though seldom self-critical. Criticism without
are watching adults. They hear whatever is goodwill behind it makes the victim spiral
said, and this goes into their subconscious, downwards. Everyone, especially children,
even if they cannot process it right then. should be encouraged, even if one thinks
Children can also instinctively feel the mood, they do not merit it. Encouraging is different
read faces, hear the tension in the voice. Once from praising. Encouragement acts as a self-
they have a sense of justice, they can sense fulfilling prophecy. Not encouraging a child
infractions of it. Misbehaving adults trying to creates long-term psychological defects in the
save face dishonestly will only dig their own child. He never gets enough self-confidence,
graves deeper. It is better to show humility sometimes to the extent of sabotaging himself
and accept one’s mistakes. Children can forgive to prove his elders’ poor opinion of himself.
more easily than adults, and they are less Praising too easily can become counter-
judgmental. Wilfully confusing or misleading productive, but keeping silent is worse.
a child will warp the child’s personality.
Topic 10 — children dealing with adults
Topic 9 — comparing and discouraging This is the complimentary programme of
understanding adults, offered to children.
Each one is endowed differently; each soul The child is taught not to compare the adults
has come down for a different experience. in his life with others, or to be judgmental
Yet we are always comparing — ourselves, about them. Children will learn about adult

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